Monday, January 11, 2010

Four

When we brought her home from the hospital, we sat and stared at her for hours.

I didn't sleep at all that first night, but instead reached my hand out every 10 minutes to the bassinet at the side of my bed and touched her chest to make sure it was still rising and falling, an even cadence that let me know that she was real.

I remember sitting in the rocking chair as she wailed that piercing newborn cry, and nothing I did stopped it. So I did the only logical thing for a sleep-deprived new mama, I sobbed along with her.

We haven't sat in that chair much lately, but the other day, she was sick and she said, "Mama, let's rock."

I gathered her up, all arms and legs, and she snuggled up and closed her eyes. "Sing, Mama", she whispered. And I tried, but I wasn't on tune because suddenly out of nowhere there were tears that came and fought for space with my voice in my throat.

I sang Silent Night, and we rocked. I thought that there wasn't much difference between the first time I rocked her and now....the same overwhelming feeling, the same soft little hands, the same song.

Funny how she can't wait to grow up, while I'm sitting here wishing she could stay little.

Her world is all pink and princessy right now, so that's what we did for her birthday.



One thing will never change - I can't imagine life without her.

40 comments:

SarahHub said...

Oh, Jackie. This is so beautiful. I can relate to these moments... You captured the feeling very well.

And cute party! We're planning a princess party of our own for Evie's third birthday. Any tips you want to share?

Rachelle said...

It was nice to see a post from you this morning. You have been missed.

Such a sweet post. Happy Birthday to your sweet girl.

Carrie said...

Ah...time goes so fast! i love when they start to grow up a little...but still want to have those special moments with mommy and daddy :)

Great pictures! Looked like a wonderful birthday perfect for a princess!

sara said...

Happy Birthday to your girl!!!

I love those snuggle moments, even now as my kids are almost grown!!!

Love the pinata!!

Kendra said...

Whoopie! You're back!

I think we did the same thing in checking on the breathing. Because we just could not believe it either. A beautiful party for a beautiful little girl!

Krystal said...

What a precious post! I have tears in my eyes. The all want to grow up faster and I would LOVE to put a brick on their heads to stop time! I'd even stop time at 2, even though he is a hand full right now!

Savannah's cake looked amazing! I'm assuming you did that! You did a fantastic job! Happy Birthday sweet girl!

Sooooo happy to see you are back! I've missed your sweet post!

Happy Monday friend!

Colored With Memories said...

yay, jackie posted!

she is beautiful, as is this post, as is the cake, as is every picture!

also amazing is that as i'm looking at savannah in her brown and pink pjs, my lily is wearing that same pair right now!!!

H-Mama said...

"...she can't wait to grow up, while I'm sitting here wishing she could stay little." I'm right there with you, girl. Happy Birthday to your sweet baby girl.

Sara said...

I know JUST how you feel! What a sweet and heartfelt post (Or should I say heart wrenching??) Why must they grow so fast?
Happy 4th Birthday little Princess.

Wendi@Every Day Miracles said...

This brought tears to my eyes. Oh my, she is stunning! Really.

You articulated it all so well.

And I audibly gasped when I saw you had posted. I was so happy. :)

Amber said...

I've missed you!!!!!!

Oh, how I know these feelings. I beg mine to not grow up. It just hurts me with every trip to buy a bigger pants size for the boys or a bigger size of tennis shoe.

Elizabeth said...

Happy Birthday to your little princess! Four will be all pink and princessy, and it's the best.

I am so happy to see a post from you-you've been missed!

Rachel @ Future Pastor's Wife said...

Aww, so sweet. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SAVANNAH!

Missed you! Glad to see you back!

Chel's Leaving a Legacy said...

Jackie! I'm SO glad to see you writing again...I've missed you!

And what a meaningful post to get you going again. I love those memories of a baby growing up into childhood. It's hard, but precious, isn't it? I know others have said it, but you did capture it well.

Big hug to you, sweet friend. :-)

Moriah @ Please Pass the Salt said...

So you know that makes us queens, right? To have all these princesses around? :)

Happy Birthday Savannah!!

(PS- I think you need to change your profile now to say you have a big four year old!)

Growin' with it! said...

here's to a wonderful day of snugs and kisses! happy bday to you both.

Gretchen said...

Happy Birthday, Sweet Savannah.

Jackie...I've had a combination of 24 b'days between my kids. Each one leaves me grateful, but oh, so wistful. I relate. Hugs to you, friend.

Marci @Finding Joy in the Journey said...

Happy Birthday, Savannah!

Glad to hear from you, Jackie! Hope all is well in your world!

Sarah said...

Sweet, sweet post.

I'm shocked everyday how fast my girls grow. Wishing some days to be over so quickly because they make me crazy but most days wishing time would stand still so they'd be little and snuggly forever.

Happy Birthday, Savannah!

Tracy's Porch said...

I have missed your posts sooo much! You have such a sweet way of writing. I hope everything is going great.

Love how little girls love princesses!! Ashley is the same right now. Savannah's party looked fun.

Happy Birthday, Savannah!

The Sullivan Sitcom said...

You are one lucky girl Miss Savannah! Hope you had a wonderful birthday!

Amanda said...

your first post back...i was SOOOO excited...and then i cried. because, for real, you put it so perfectly...they are SO eager to grow up...and we just want them to stay little. loves to you jackie!

Kellie said...

When I saw your name in my Reader I said YAY!!!

Happy Birthday! She sure is growing up!

Wendy said...

Hey, I've missed you! Happy Birthday to Savannah! They do grow so fast...

Jenn @ A Country Girl's Ramblings said...

Jackie, this was absolutely beautiful! I know exactly what you are feeling. You just want to hold on to that soft, sweetness forever.
Happy Birthday to Savannah!

Becca~TimeWellSpent said...

What a little cutie! Happy Birthday! Four is such a sweet age:)

Erin K. said...

Hey there! I've been thinking about you and hoping everything is going ok for you. Also, I was so excited to see you mentioned on OrgJunkie's site yesterday. It looks like your business is going well!

Happy Birthday Savannah! She looks so cute in her Snow White dress and tiara. Beautiful cake, too - are those ice cream cones for the towers?

Rach@In His Hands said...

Totally blubbering over here. Now that I'm a mama and have rocked my baby with tears rolling down my face....I KNOW.

Happy Birthday, sweet S!

Love you, friend.

Life In Progress said...

Love this! Happy Birthday Miss Savannah!

mer@lifeat7000feet said...

Happy Birthday to your little princess! She is beautiful!

My eyes are a little leaky after reading this post...

Lizz @ Yes, and So is My Heart said...

Such a cutie! I know just what you're talking about!

Savvy Little Women - Kate said...

Oh I am so, so far behind...on everything :). Hope her birthday was great!!

Together We Save said...

So sweet!! I remember those moments.... I have 17, 15, and 12 yr old girls now.

{Jodie} said...

I don't know how I missed this... I love your writing. I've missed reading you. Reading this made me feel grateful for my "babies", getting longer and more gangly by the day. Makes me want to rock them. :)

Alana said...

What a doll! I love four. Four and five are fun years! How in the world are you? How's your design business going?

Sarah said...

Jackie, are you blogging at another site?! I miss your posts and was wondering if I'm outta the loop as to where ya are!

Alana said...

Well, never mind...it looks fine now! Must have been a glitch! Sorry to bother you! Hope you are well!!

Chantelle said...

Your daughter is a sweet pea. :)

kaleytaylor said...

Jackie! Dude, where have you been all my life?! It was so exciting to see a comment from you just recently on my blog! Are you still blogging at all? How is your design biz doing? You site looks awesome! Hope you are well :)

izzy said...

I love princess themed parties! Its cutee! Also, you've got a gorgeous princess =D