Thursday, March 12, 2009

Letting Go

I'm having a little midnight venting session.

You may or may not know that it takes a lot, a whole lot, to rile up this phlegmatic girl. Let me tell you, though, that when the right buttons are pushed, I can go from un-riled to riled in about 0.6 seconds.

I can't, or actually won't, go into too much detail here - it isn't really the time or place for it - but suffice it to say that it involves someone that basically did not follow through on their word on something that could have been a pretty big deal for us, and in the process handled it all very, very badly, and was pretty nasty about the entire thing. (oooh....now there's a major run-on sentence for you).

When Ricardo came home from church tonight and told me the story, my wifely indignation shot up through the roof. How dare they treat him like that?? I sputtered. I raved. I was hoppin' mad. And, if you look at the circumstances, I suppose I had every right to be. It was, in every regard, totally unfair.

By the way - hubby doesn't need me to fight his battles for him. He does just fine on his own. But...that's my man you're messing with here!

So I spent the evening stewing about it, and then I went to bed. And I felt it gnawing away in the pit of my stomach, that awful twisted feeling that won't let you rest and makes you feel worse by the second.

So I have to let it go. But if I'm being honest, there is a part of me that just doesn't want to. What I really want to do is scream and holler a little bit, throw a grown-up fit, maybe run to whoever will listen and say, "Do you know what just happened?"

In the grand scheme of things, it is such a small little thing, and I realize that. Does it hurt? Well, sure, but it doesn't come close to some of the intense things that so many are dealing with.

So I'm not pretending it doesn't hurt. Instead, I am acknowledging that what was done wasn't right, and then I am just handing it to the Lord. Who knows...maybe this is His way of protecting us from something on down the line.

Forgiveness...easy to talk about, hard to do.

But in some bloggy cathartic way, just getting it out has made me feel better.

25 comments:

Lauren Kelly said...

Vent away!!! Let the Lord fight your battles :o)

Krystal said...

I'm so sorry! But you are the bigger person! Cast all your cares on the Lord! He will take care of you!

Carpoolqueen said...

Just putting it on paper can be a realease. At least enough to let you sleep. Hope the morning light has brought perspective and peace...

Gretchen said...

I don't think there's anything wrong with a righteous anger. God's not some robotron w/o feelings, and neither are we. I'm glad you got this out, and knowing that you are trying to forgive and move on already shows that you're trusting in Him to take care of Ricardo and of you. Big hugs for you, and whether Ricardo needs you to fight his battles or not, isn't it lovely for him to see that you're always in his corner?

sara said...

Praying for you friend, that the HS will guide you to stay on the high road and help you let God fight your battle!!!

Sarah@Life in the Parsonage said...

Oh, I get you my friend :) People can say all they want about me and I can take it, because frankly, it may be true...but let them say something about Ben and the CLAWS come OUT ;)

Rach@In His Hands said...

Blog it out, girl! I would've reacted the same way.

"Forgiveness...easy to talk about, hard to do."

So true, my friend. We all struggle with letting go and forgiving....I know I do. We're commanded to do it, but often we fail like any other sin.

Praying that the Lord gives you a peaceful heart.

Love ya, Jackie!

Rachel @ Unexpected Blessings said...

I am in the process of learning this type of thing with a difficult person. God has showed me that I must give up my "right" to be angry, stop formulating come backs in my head & love this person. *insert whiny voice here* I DOOON'T WAAANT TOOOOO!!! *back to normal voice* But it is what God asks of us. I have to choose to let him work in me and change my heart. (Deep sigh)

Even as I type God is reminding me of a new situation that has arisen this morning that has me upset. Not my will, but yours God.

I am with you girlfriend!

Aspiemom said...

How do you do that? You post a blog to vent and end up turning it into a learning lesson!

I hope you are feeling more at peace now, my friend!

Growin' with it! said...

blogging's like therapy?...YOU BETCHA! feels good to let it out huh? and while you are writing, to feel the Spirit move in your heart for the good. i don't think i've heard you "vent" before...nice to know you're human and that you take the bad and see the good. like that about you!

tirz said...

Vent away my friend! I tell you that there's not a whole lot more that makes me bad and like an absolute tiger or bear than when someone messes with my husband or children. Yes, like Ricardo, Troy can fight his own battles but I tell you that sometimes I'm more than willing to fight them for him!

Wendi @ Every Day Miracles said...

Jackie,
I'm so soryy you guys were hurt. I wish I could come give you a hug.

You teach me so much through your venting. :) I'm so glad you posted. God is doing alot in and through you right now isn't he friend?

Colored With Memories said...

blog venting sessions are great. i'm hoping that today the lord brings you new perspective on the whole situation...sorry for a deal gone bad...no fun!

The Fritz Facts said...

Putting it down seems to help so many of us.

I am sorry you are going through this, and I hope that each coming day gets a bit easier. I am proud to see that you are being the bigger person, no matter how hard that may be.

Marci @Finding Joy in the Journey said...

Ahh..I hear ya, sister! I give you praise for laying it down here! I've had some issues of my own as of late and I know I will keep all hurt feelings in the journal or maybe just floating around in my van rather than ruffling feathers or hurting anyone else's feelings. In the long run it's totally the better choice. But boy, in the moment yelling at someone sure might feel good! Hope all is calmer today!

Amber said...

Blog therapy...nothing like it.

Thanks for being honest and open. God is good all the time.

mer@lifeat7000feet said...

Vent away, friend.

I'm sorry you were hurt and feeling the heaviness of disappointment. I wish I could make it all better...I really do.

Erin K. said...

How funny - I had a situation yesterday that had to do with some conflict issues, and have had to talk to God a lot about it. :-) Letting go is hard, but sometimes that's what allows God to actually move in and be judge over the situation. I don't know if that makes sense (haven't had my full cup o' coffee yet today) but hopefully you get the idea.

I haven't been visiting my regular blogs this week (and maybe last week, too? goodness - I need to catch up!) so I don't know when you changed your design, but I love it! It makes me feel all spring and sunshine and flowers and warmer weather. :-D

Lois Lane II said...

I totally believe that writing helps you vent your frustrations. If someone hurts me, I can get over it fairly easily. If they talk about my hubby...I'm seeing red FAST. But you're right; we gotta let it go. It's so hard to, though, isn't it? ;)

Heather of the EO said...

I'm sorry. And I'm really impressed that you didn't vent in detail, you bit your tongue and struggled for perspective. You rock. :)

Jules from "The Roost" said...

You can let it out on us anytime you like....and we are on YOUR side too! ;)

Melissa said...

Thanks for sharing your story. You may not have realized it but in sharing your story ~ your healing and your also helping out others who may have similar situations. Your a strong woman. I hope you had a good week~end.

Kellie said...

Venting is good!

I love how it started, all angry and real, but ended up knowing that God is control!

Jamie @ Purposeful Pursuit said...

I'm so sorry you and your hubby had to go through an icky, unfair situation. Sounds like you are handling it appropriately...casting all your cares on Him.

Hope it is working out ok.

Alana said...

Everyone needs to vent once in awhile. I'm sorry that this happened. I've been there. And by the way, I am the same way....usually very calm, but hit the right buttons and it's all over ;-)