Looking ahead...

I've been reading a lot of posts lately by mamas whose kids are going off to school. Some for the first time, to preschool or kindergarten, some with older kids returning again for another year.

And it is so interesting to me to see how each one handles it. The moms, I mean, not the kids. Some are excited for a little bit of free time, which I can totally understand. Some are a little sadder, wondering how their baby grew up overnight and where the time went.

It seems like such a far-off milestone for me. Waaaay down the road. Two or three years.

Well, the school that we are thinking about sending Savannah to announced recently that if the child's birthday falls before the end of December, they will allow them into the Pre-K program that September. Savannah was born on December 27, just before the cut-off.

That means my baby could be going to preschool next year. Next year, as in exactly one year from now, when she is 3 1/2.

Of course, we aren't deciding now. We'll see how she is doing, if she is ready, but if I know my child, little Miss Social Butterfly (ahem...definitely doesn't take after me in that regard), she will be thrilled to get to go to school. And I really do want her to be excited about it, to go and make friends and learn. I want her to stretch her little baby wings and fly, but just not too far or too fast. Not yet.

This weekend my hubby and I had the rare chance to go on a date, all by ourselves. We are all about frugal and free things, so we used a gift certificate to go out to eat and then another gift certificate to rent a movie (August Rush...good stuff).

So we dropped Savannah off with some friends, and then headed to the restaurant. We ate, and then drove home and watched the movie. It was 9:45 when it ended, and Ricardo left to go pick Savannah up.

And as I sat at home waiting for them to come back, I realized how much I miss her, even when she is gone for just a couple of hours. I heard the garage door groan as it opened, and I went to stand at the door so that I could grab her the minute she walked in and kiss her little cheeks and hear all about her night. I wanted to hear her jabber excitedly about her friend and the ball they kicked and the doll they played with, to hear her say, "Mama! We had ice c'eam!" And as much as I love being alone with my hubby, and I know it's healthy for us to take that time, our little family isn't complete until she is back with us.

At the same time, I don't want to be so completely wrapped up in being her mama that I forget who I am outside of that. Before I know it, she'll be gone, first to school, and then she'll grow up and leave for good, and I will still be me, apart from her. It's hard, that separating of the different roles that we play.

So, I'm pretty sure I'll cry a little on that day when she shrugs on her Dora backpack and heads off to the new exciting world of school; a turbulent mix of emotions where happy and sad collide all at once.

I guess that is what motherhood is all about.