Thursday, July 24, 2008

One night this week...

Have you ever had one of those weeks where you are one day ahead the entire week? You start off thinking that your Monday is Tuesday, and it just goes from there. It feels so much like a Friday to me right now, and yet it's only Thursday. I blame my hubby's wacko schedule, and the fact that Savannah has been testing the waters with a newfound sassy (read: rebellious) attitude. And also that I babysat for 4 kids 3 and under yesterday afternoon, which is a post in and of itself. Lets just say that I have a newfound respect for those of you that have a bunch of little ones that are close in are awesome.

Monday evening I was running the water for Savannah's bath. I stepped out momentarily to gather a few things. And also I might have run really fast to the kitchen to check my email. Because I am obsessed like that. It only took a few seconds, and I hurried back to the bathroom. Savannah stood by the tub, proudly pointing and saying, "Look, water!"

I did a double take and gasped. She had taken two of my purses, emptied them, and flung everything into the bath. Cell phone. Wallet. Money. Makeup. All bobbing up and down in the water. It would have made a fantastic photo for the blog, but my mind did not go in that direction. I screamed, fairly loudly I'm afraid, and then started flinging water everywhere as I scooped everything up and on to the counter. I completely lost it. Why? Why? Why would you do this? Don't you know....Her eyes were big as she watched me fly around on the verge of lunacy while the words spewing from my mouth grew louder and louder.

She shouldn't have done it. Obviously. And she was disciplined for it, because she really did know better. But after calming down, I realized how poorly I had handled it. Have you ever been to a store and seen a little kid doing something he's not supposed to? And then the mother starts to berate him, loudly and with way more force and ranting than is necessary? Sometimes with screaming that can be heard across the parking lot? I have. And I usually cringe and want to run and give the little kid a hug. Not because the correction is unnecessary, but because the way it is done seems out of line.

So maybe I don't scream and go crazy and yell at my child in public. But what makes me think it is ok in the privacy of my own home? It doesn't do any good. For a split second, it might have made me feel better to vent. But what was done was done, and it would have been so much better for me to get down on her level, explain things to her, and then carry out the discipline. Which is what happened in the end, but only after my little hissy fit was over.

Oh, the guilt. Every night when I pray with her, I ask her forgiveness and God's forgiveness for my lack of patience and for things that spring from my mouth without compunction. I have one chance at this, and I don't want her memories of me to be one of wild flailing and foaming at the mouth and irrational behavior. I am her example. If I don't want her acting like that, then I have no business acting like that.

Thank God that He has equipped our little ones with such sweet forgiving natures that allow them to wrap their arms around our necks two seconds later and say, "I love you, Mama."

We finished up her bath, and I went to deal with the sodden contents of my purse. The cell phone was water-logged and there was no chance of it cooperating. Lisa at The Preachers Wife suggested that I bury it in a bag of rice to draw out the water, which I did. The next day, it turned on like magic, and I made a phone call to my mom to test it out. I was thrilled that it was working, until about 5 minutes into our conversation when it suddenly rebelled and shut down. I haven't been able to get it to work since then. Any ideas???

So that was the start of my week. Disobedience, guilt, forgiveness, grace, prayers, and peace. And at the end of the day, a hug and kiss and sigh of relief.


Casey said...

Oh dear... I read that one allowed to my hubby and, I must admit, we laughed, but only b/c we can commiserate. And I have had a week about the same. I seriously thought today was Friday and almost cried when I realized I had one more day to go.

I feel like I say this all the time these days, but I am so thankful that His mercies are new every morning!

The Bayou Belles and Their Beau said...

Been there, done that. All of it ... the losing it, the guilt, the forgiveness, the lessons learned.

I always take these moments as lessons about our Father's love for us and what a good Father He is. He never loses it no matter what we do, and we do a lot worse than the purses in the bathtub.

Thank God for the grace He gives us to walk in every day.

Gretchen said...

a) Thank goodness kids are resilient.
b) Thank goodness that this is the exception for you and not the rule.
c) You are an amazing mom, and learn fast. You allowed God to refine you and you repented. Now NO MORE GUILT. :)

Blessings on your week. xxxooogretchen

Jenn said...

Oh the guilt is horrible isn't it. I have so many nights when I look back on the day and think I could have really handled certain situations better. Thank goodness of God's love and forgiveness.

Life In Progress said...

"...a hug and kiss and sigh of relief".

That's all you really need.

What a great post.

Smilingsal said...

You're a normal mom--not perfect, so relax.

As to the phone; buy another. My teenage granddaughter dropped her's into water--long story--it worked for a brief time and then died.

She had to buy another. Ah well.

Michelle@Life with Three said...

Oh, girl! I've SO been there! We all lose it sometimes. And, btw, I'm always checking my email on the sly, as well! ;-)

The Fritz Facts said...

Been there done that. We all loose our cool at times, the guilt always comes so very soon after.

Sorry about your phone! I hate having to replace cell phones.

Jennifer @ Taking My Time said...

It's tough to get over those 'wish I hadn't reacted like that moments' I know! Obviously there have been plenty of well-handled moments to overshadow this.

Sorry, but the story DID make me laugh, even though if it were me, I'd be fuming!

Marci @Finding Joy in the Journey said...

Just think how many families this is the norm and at the end of the day mom doesn't feel any guilt and tomorrow isn't any better. We are blessed to know that God's grace gives us a clean slate and so do those sweet little eyes.

I overheard my own daughter tell my son at bedtime tonight "you'd better get into bed because you don't want Mom to get angry. You know she's usually patient and she doesn't get mad very often but when she does she's like a tornado!" I'm not sure I wanted to hear that...

It's almost Friday!

Amanda said...

oh how i hear and understand this post. how many times have i had moments like this...His grace and forgiveness and peace is amazing.

THE ROOST said...

You sound like a WONDERFUL mommy!!! What is bad is when we feel no remorse for our disobdeince. You did and corrected it and THAT is what she will remember & what pleases the Lord. He knows you won't be perfect.....Have a good weekend:)

Tracey said...

Sounds like you had an experience like mine...some things just happen and it wasn't malicious...and we loose our cool and God forgives.

Wendi said...

Ummm....really dealing with the guilt at this very moment. :( Jay is in his room right now for knocking Noe down (intentionally) and I really lost my cool with him. It was like the 5th time he's done it already this morning and my patience was about gone.
I'm so glad I am reading this right now though. It's obvious that the losing my cool thing is very ineffective.
Thanks for sharing your true to life struggles.
Sorry about all of your stuff - I'm with some of your other commenters though, it did make for a bloggable moment that was laughable. Not at your expense ofcourse... :)
You are a wonderful mommy!! ANy one who knows how to ask forgiveness of their children are really special in my mind.
Off to do that very thing...

Kellie said...

WE've all been there!

I am so sorry about the phone! That is the worst!

Oh and about being a day ahead all week? I hate it when that happens!!! It makes for a very long week!

Hang in there!

Lizz @ Yes, and So is My Heart said...

Oh, I wish I could say I can't relate. But, that would be a big lie. I've been there more than once. Hope next week is better. And, since I'm reading this on Friday. Happy Friday.