Apparently, I'm not only indecisive, but also boring...

I suffer from Acute Menu Anxiety Disorder.

Don't scoff. It's a real thing. (And I know a few of you know what I'm talking about...)

For those of you who do not suffer from this, you will think I'm off my rocker and you can go ahead and skip this post, because I would like us still to be friends.

I cannot describe the feeling I have when I go into a new restaurant, or pull up to a drive-through where I am not familiar with the selections. Ricardo, being a cut-and-dried male, knows what he wants. Without even looking. A burger. With cheese. And possibly bacon. (And the man is as healthy as a horse...go figure).

I, on the other hand, look at the menu in my hand, with the waiter hovering nearby, or the invisible person at the drive-thru saying, "Whenever your ready...." My eyes glaze over, and I suddenly can't focus. C-h-i-c-k-e-n. What's that? I think I've heard of it before, but I can't concentrate. Is it good? Will I like it?

Severe anxiety, people. It's beyond sad.

So my loving hubby, knowing this about me, doesn't rush me anymore. He knows I need to take my time to allow my eyes to un-glaze, peruse the menu, and come to a decision. And possibly even spend time researching menus online before we go so that I am a smidge more prepared. I love him for that.

Today, I remembered that I had a Starbucks card that I have been hoarding since February. I like my Starbucks as much as the next person, but I seriously only go maybe twice a year. But today was extremely hot, and we were out running errands, and I though, Hmmmm...a Mint Mocha Frap sounds heavenly right now.

So we stopped in, and even though I knew what I wanted, I kept my eyes glued to the menu board as I ordered it. There were just too many words that I could mess up. Tall. Mint. Mocha. Light. Frappuccino.

And apparently, that is one of the easy ones.

As I stood there waiting for my order (it's amazing how many people can still afford to buy ridiculously expensive coffee at 2:00 in the afternoon), I had the distinct privilege of listening to some of the orders come in.

Light Green Tea Frap, no something or other, add energy. Huh? Energy? Is that just a fancy way of saying, Hype it up with extra caffeine?

Venti Breve Cappuccino, 6 shots, half-soy, add vanilla. What is Breve? That's what the lady said, so hopefully I got that right and am not in actuality typing some off-color word. I am so showing off my sophisticated side here. (I have since googled it. Apparently it is something made with half and half. Or cream. Don't quote me, now... I didn't spend much time researching it. )

Light-Iced, Decaf, Triple, Venti, Non-fat, 3 Splenda, Extra-hot, Stirred, No-foam, Caramel Macchiato with Whip Cream and Extra Caramel.

Ok, I didn't really hear anyone order that today. I saw that one on the internet. Man, that puts my boring ol' Tall Non-Fat Caramel Macchiato, my favorite, to shame.

There is even a site called "How to order a complicated drink at Starbucks". Oh my. Just thinking about that makes my head spin.

So in addition to my Menu Paranoia, I am apparently also boring when it comes to my coffee selections. What I want to know is, does the fancy complicated drink taste better than the humdrum, run-of-the-mill drink that comes straight off the menu board?

If you are a complicated order placer, you can share it here. It will bring me untold amusement, but I will nonetheless be in awe of you. Who knows, I might even adopt it as my new favorite, but rest assured that I will have to write it down and read it off of a piece of paper each time I order it. Because, again...sophistication.

That is sure to impress them.