Thursday, July 31, 2008

Apparently, I'm not only indecisive, but also boring...

I suffer from Acute Menu Anxiety Disorder.

Don't scoff. It's a real thing. (And I know a few of you know what I'm talking about...)

For those of you who do not suffer from this, you will think I'm off my rocker and you can go ahead and skip this post, because I would like us still to be friends.

I cannot describe the feeling I have when I go into a new restaurant, or pull up to a drive-through where I am not familiar with the selections. Ricardo, being a cut-and-dried male, knows what he wants. Without even looking. A burger. With cheese. And possibly bacon. (And the man is as healthy as a horse...go figure).

I, on the other hand, look at the menu in my hand, with the waiter hovering nearby, or the invisible person at the drive-thru saying, "Whenever your ready...." My eyes glaze over, and I suddenly can't focus. C-h-i-c-k-e-n. What's that? I think I've heard of it before, but I can't concentrate. Is it good? Will I like it?

Severe anxiety, people. It's beyond sad.

So my loving hubby, knowing this about me, doesn't rush me anymore. He knows I need to take my time to allow my eyes to un-glaze, peruse the menu, and come to a decision. And possibly even spend time researching menus online before we go so that I am a smidge more prepared. I love him for that.

Today, I remembered that I had a Starbucks card that I have been hoarding since February. I like my Starbucks as much as the next person, but I seriously only go maybe twice a year. But today was extremely hot, and we were out running errands, and I though, Hmmmm...a Mint Mocha Frap sounds heavenly right now.

So we stopped in, and even though I knew what I wanted, I kept my eyes glued to the menu board as I ordered it. There were just too many words that I could mess up. Tall. Mint. Mocha. Light. Frappuccino.

And apparently, that is one of the easy ones.

As I stood there waiting for my order (it's amazing how many people can still afford to buy ridiculously expensive coffee at 2:00 in the afternoon), I had the distinct privilege of listening to some of the orders come in.

Light Green Tea Frap, no something or other, add energy. Huh? Energy? Is that just a fancy way of saying, Hype it up with extra caffeine?

Venti Breve Cappuccino, 6 shots, half-soy, add vanilla. What is Breve? That's what the lady said, so hopefully I got that right and am not in actuality typing some off-color word. I am so showing off my sophisticated side here. (I have since googled it. Apparently it is something made with half and half. Or cream. Don't quote me, now... I didn't spend much time researching it. )

Light-Iced, Decaf, Triple, Venti, Non-fat, 3 Splenda, Extra-hot, Stirred, No-foam, Caramel Macchiato with Whip Cream and Extra Caramel.

Ok, I didn't really hear anyone order that today. I saw that one on the internet. Man, that puts my boring ol' Tall Non-Fat Caramel Macchiato, my favorite, to shame.

There is even a site called "How to order a complicated drink at Starbucks". Oh my. Just thinking about that makes my head spin.

So in addition to my Menu Paranoia, I am apparently also boring when it comes to my coffee selections. What I want to know is, does the fancy complicated drink taste better than the humdrum, run-of-the-mill drink that comes straight off the menu board?

If you are a complicated order placer, you can share it here. It will bring me untold amusement, but I will nonetheless be in awe of you. Who knows, I might even adopt it as my new favorite, but rest assured that I will have to write it down and read it off of a piece of paper each time I order it. Because, again...sophistication.

That is sure to impress them.

19 comments:

Casey said...

This is precisely why I stick with a Venti Blacked Iced Tea, unsweetened.

Simple. Easy to remember. :)

Chel's Leaving a Legacy said...

I think I must order the most simple on the menu:

Tall Java Chip Frap

YUM! Nothing healthy about it. It's a dessert; why should it be?
;-)

Marisa said...

Are You My Twin Sister! I am the exact same way! I only make it to starbucks when my sister takes me about once a year.

Tracey said...

YOUR FUNNY! I STICK TO MY ONE DRINK IT MAKES IT EASY!

Sarah@Life in the Parsonage said...

HA! That's why I think that anyone that works at Starbucks and can do those complicated orders are GENIUS!

Anonymous said...

Jackie,
You are hilarious. You really crack me up. So, I've just been sitting here catching up a little on your blogs... since I've been out for a little while. :) As I was reading through them you kept reminding me more and more of Dan. It's so funny! Maybe that's why we get along so well... The one about the fall, piano, and then when it got to the food... He does the exact same thing!!! Oh and his favorite drink from Starbucks is the same too. CRAZY!

From,
Hirra

Jennifer @ Taking My Time said...

Ah, proof! I can tell Rick that I have AMAD!!! I've gone MAD!
Thanks Jackie :)

mer@lifeat7000feet said...

I'm so uncomplicated. I start feeling stress if my drink order is more than 4 syllables.

Lizz @ Yes, and So is My Heart said...

If I go there, I order a house coffee, half decaf with cream, two sugars, and a pump of vanilla. I know that sounds complicated, but I've gotten to the point where the specialty drinks are too sweet and this is just right. But, give me coffee brewed at home with flavored creamer and I'm good.

Oh, and I do love a Mint Mocha Frap. Yum!

Marci @Finding Joy in the Journey said...

Ok, can I hug you? I really honestly thought I was the only one who had a mini panic attack when someone suggested a restaurant I have never been to. I was sure I was the only one who looked up menus online before going out with freinds so I don't spaz. I seriously put off going to Subway until 2 years ago for fear of being so overwhelmed I might faint. I hate having people wait on me! I'm sure the teenage servers must think what is wrong with this woman! Oh bless you, for letting me know I'm not alone in the world!

Oh, and if Miss Nicole over at life in progress stops by and sees this..see look, it's not just me!

With the help of good friends who guide me, i'm getting better. There is hope! =)

Smilingsal said...

My eyes glaze over just like yours! Maybe it's a female-thing.

Michelle@Life with Three said...

So funny, I do the same thing. I was just at McDonald's today and purposely did not read the menu board. I just had to focus on my order and place it -- quick! -- before I was distracted by 5,000 other options and choices. :)

SarahHub said...

Ha! I do the same thing!

NON-FAT, SUGAR-FREE VANILLA CAFE LATTE

mamajil said...

I always order the same thing...if its hot coffee, I want a tall bold blend of the day

If its a cold drink I want a coffee frap. with a shot of expresso....

If we are going to a new restaurant I always look up their menu online so I will know what I want before I get there

And if we are going with all of the kids I get their order and drink preference in the car before we enter the place other wise I kinda draw a blank.....

Oh and another quirky thing (as if I haven't shared enough....) I usually will order the same thing at a restaurant time and time again...
for instance if we are going to baskin robbins I always order the Jamaican almond fudge single sugar cone....
At this one mexican restaurant...I always order the "#8"

once I find something I like thats it I stick to it....I know I am probably missing out but I hate the stress of ordering something I am not familiar with...

StarbucksMama said...

Ditto Mamajill on most points. :) And I drink Grande Bold With Room - in other words I jazz it up myself or I couldn't drink it. ;)

Because I do go more than twice a day - year ;) and my drink costs half the price. :)

Amanda said...

completely laughing at the starbuck-ese...seriously, they have their own language there. i stick with the simple and boring...and cheaper. i had to laugh at your menu anxiety...i too suffer from a form...but mine is different. i get all nervous before i order...what should i get, will i like it, should i try something different, what if i don't like the different choice and end up wishing i had my old standby...and then, after all that thought, i simply stick to my tried and true fav.

Wendi said...

I had a caramel macchiato last Monday and was so bummed when it was gone. It was divine!
I see I am in good company with you and all of your commenters. I deal with the same menu anxiety - it's so funny! I'm glad our husbands are understanding as they drum their fingers wating for us - dreaming that some day they will actually get their food. :)

Jenny said...

Do you have chipotle? THAT's where I get stressed... it's so fast paced and I. can't. quite figure out what I want while they're staring me down.

Oh, and starbucks... Grande Half-Caff Caramel Macchiato. :) Unless I make it a Venti.

MoziEsmé said...

Oh - I always order straight off the menu. No disappointments that way when they don't get it right! My husband, on the other hand . . . I don't even want to acknowledge how many times he's had the waiter take the food back! Though sometimes he doesn't just for my sake, and then I feel guilty.