Tuesday, April 22, 2008

It's been worth it

I was 25 when I got married, and Ricardo was almost 35. I had always "known" that I would (or maybe just wanted to) marry someone older than me, so I was thrilled. Once I met him and we started dating, there was no doubt that he was the one for me. He, on the other hand, was more cautious. He had waited this long to get married, and he wanted to be sure that I was the one, wanted to be sure that this would be it for him. We got along beautifully during our year of dating and our subsequent year of engagement, getting to know each other and finding out each others habits and quirks.

But I don't care how well you think you know someone. That all changes once you get married. And start actually living with that person.

I still loved him just as much after the wedding. Even more, really. I was so excited to be his wife, to have our little house, to be the queen of my own kitchen and cook gourmet meals for him.

Um...ok, maybe not that last part.

But 10 years is a pretty big age difference. And at 35, he was more or less set in his ways. And at 25, I still had some growing up and maturing to do. I am pretty sure I cried a lot during that first year of marriage. And not really because I was unhappy.....I just had some super unrealistic expectations. I think somewhere in my little head I expected a fairy tale, that things would be a certain way, that he would meet and surpass my every need.

And obviously, he couldn't do that. He wasn't meant to do that. Only God can meet and surpass my every need. I just needed to figure that out for myself.

So I would cry, and he would look at me, helpless and frustrated. Not having any clue as to what to do, and not knowing what he had said to upset or hurt me.

It was amazing, but the end of the first year was the turning point. I think it was more of a meeting in the middle for us.....I stopped being so sensitive about everything, and he started being more sensitive to me. I honestly can't even remember some of the things that I would get upset over, but I'm sure it was pretty silly. Somewhere along the way I realized that he wasn't capable of being everything to me.

Of course it helped that he learned to ask, "What's wrong?" or "Do we need to talk about something?"

And it really helped that I learned how to actually tell him what was wrong instead of clamming up and making him guess.

That first year wasn't terrible.....we had a lot of fun, got to travel, just enjoyed being newlyweds. I guess it's an inevitable part of being married, that whole getting-to-know-each-other element. I think there were times that we both wondered what we had gotten ourselves into.

But I'm so glad we have stuck it out.