Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Knock, and it may or may not be opened unto you

So I'm in the middle of my day. Savannah is watching Dora and Boots rescue things from Swiper. I am doing laundry. I am also deep in the slums of frump, which means unwashed hair in a ponytail, a sad T-shirt and yoga pants, no makeup.

The doorbell rings. We freeze. Then I rush over to peer out the peephole. I don't recognize the person. I turn to shush Savannah while simultaneously cranking down the volume on Dora. We wait with bated breath, peeking every few seconds, until the person, who undoubtedly heard the TV blaring long before our stealthy volume-lowering move, turns to leave.

Ok. Please tell me I'm not the only one to do this.

Reason #1 that I hate answering the door is because, well, I don't usually know who the person is. If it's the UPS guy, ok, then fine. If not, then they are either there to sell me something or give me a political spiel. All of which I can do without. Then there is the outside chance that they are there to break into my house, which actually did happen to me once, but which will have to wait for a future post.

Reason #2 - well, I mentioned the word frump, right? That should say it all. Nobody should be subjected to this kind of visual persecution.

But a few evenings ago, I was outside watering my tiny garden. My garden is on the south side of my house, and anyone standing in the front has a good view of the back. So I'm minding my own business, when a guy rounds the corner and heads to the front door. He saw me right away, so it wasn't like I could throw down the hose and act like I wasn't there. We have a concrete wall and a gate between the front and back, so he made himself at home and leaned over the wall. He was a bold little dude, too; he launched right into his memorized speech without so much as a "how you doin'?" I listened for a few seconds before I realized that it was political in nature. And he was definitely, without question, light years away from my viewpoint.

He was trying to get signatures to send something or other to Congress. He wound down his talk, and thrust the clipboard at me, saying, "So....just sign here."

I asked him a very simple question regarding where the proposed funding that he was talking about was going to come from, and he just flew off the handle. Which made me mad. I mean, he came into my yard, so one would think that I have the right to see what it's all about before blindly signing away. But I was also a little amused, because the poor guy was far from well-versed in what he was expressing. He stumbled over himself and had no clue where he was going with it; I almost felt sorry for him. Almost.

So he ranted and raved and basically told me what he thought of my position. At which point I decided that the flowers just a foot or two to his left really, really needed watering. So, sweet as could be, I just swung the hose in that direction. And the over spray from the hose may or may not have reached through the gate. And it's possible that my uninvited guest got a cooling down that he desperately needed. But I'm not admitting to anything.

See? This is why I don't answer my door.

24 comments:

kaleytaylor said...

Girl, the more I read your blog, the more I realize how alike we are! Let me just say, I HATE answering the door when I'm home w/out my hub! I'm way panicky and nervous and always expect the worst, so of course I always think there's a total nutcase on the other side of my door. Plus, the other way I look at it, is I never really just drop by people's homes unannounced, and don't really expect people to do that to me, Because, hello, FRUMPY, and busy probably too. So yeah, if someone's at my door, they usually don't get an answer from me. I'm a scared-y cat.

Jenn said...

I am the same way! More than once the kids and I have hid out till the unknows have left. I just personally don't want to have to deal with what they are selling. May it be a view point or a product.

The Miles Family said...

Stay at home moms UNITE!!! Maybe if we all stop answering the door the annoying, "I'm going to try to convince you that you need a new roof and new siding" people will get the hint and GO AWAY!

95% of the time we don't answer the door. In fact when someone walks up to the house we run to my bedroom. It's sort of a game now. We are teaching Riley (15 months) to do it too! :)

Here's our dilemma. Our front door has 6 large glass panes. If the girls or I happen to be in the living room (it's named the living room because we LIVE in there) or walking through the kitchen ANYONE (my nosy neighbor included) can see that we are in there... First I need a new front door... then I can be better at hidding out and refusing to face the "real" world. :)

mer@lifeat7000feet said...

I am SO with you on this topic. I shush my kids and the dog everytime the doorbell rings. I just don't like dealing with it at all!

Elena said...

Now that I have my daughter, I don't open my door to anyone I don't know because of safety concerns. If they come around when my husband is home, he will answer the door and talk to them. When I was single I would talk to JW's and Mormons briefly that came to my door, but not now:)

Queen to my 3 Boys said...

That's hilarious! Good on ya!

I hear you on the frump thing. I feel the same way. Lately, though, I have felt convicted to share my life, even in my less than stellar moments. Vulnerability breeds vulnerability. Too often we don't let people into our lives unless everything appears perfect. That raises the bar of expectations. There are some women that just seem to me to have it all together all the time. It makes me feel bad about myself. Like I'm failing. I need to see that they have 'frump' days too.

Erin K. said...

Been there, done that. :-) One time, when I was still single and lived in an apartment, I was home sick from work. There was a knock on the door and I decided to ignore it, because with being sick and all, I was definitely frumpy and definitely missing a key undergarment that I like to have on when I encounter strangers.

After several knocks I heard some keys rattling around and that's when I realized that this was the one day of the month when the pest guy came to spray all of the apartments! I was mortified! I forget what happened after that... I know I contemplated hiding in the closet, but I don't think I did that because how much worse would it be for the guy to come and spray in the closet and find a grown woman hiding there??? I think I fessed up and answered the door and mumbled something about being sick. What an experience!

Lizz @ Yes, and So is My Heart said...

That was absolutely hilarious. I totally avoid the door. If I could get my kids to stop running everytime they hear the doorbell, I'd ignore it even more.

Thanks for stopping by today.

Tracey said...

GOOD FOR YOU! I would have done the same thing. It's your yard and you can water any part of it you wish...stranger in the way...so sad...too bad.

If I don't recognize the person I do not answer the door whether I am dressed well or not!

The last time Jehovah Witnesses came to my sister's door she told them she would listen to them if they would listen to her...they asked what religion she was and she told them she belonged to the Church of Venom and Blood (she really a devoted Catholic)....they kindly said goodbye and walked away! Just an idea.

Good for you anyway!!!!!!!

Alana said...

That is FUNNY! You are definitely not alone in dodging unwanted visitors. It can be hard sometimes with kids, though. Mine always go to the window by the door and stare out at the person. Totally blows my cover ;-)

Kellie said...

I'm a shusher/hider/peeker too! And now the kids are shushers.

But I DO let my dog bark, in hopes that it will scare them away!

I can't believe the story about the guy! You were actually quite gracious in talking with him for so long!

THE ROOST said...

Girl I am with you! It IS your door! If you don't control it "they" will! :)

ttm said...

You are so funny. My neighbor and I call each other to warn the other if someone has rung our doorbell. However since I have a window on the side of our door where anyone can see in it's hard to hide. So, if they happen to see me I figure oh well. Maybe they'll get the hint if I turn around and they see me walking away! Or I guess I can just stand in the yard with my trusty hose and hose anyone down who decides to get too close!

mamachristina said...

Oh so hilarious, i would have felt good watering those flowers too.
Visit one of my todays post I have a liitle sonmething for you.

Lisa said...

Congrats on winning the gift card!!

Wendy said...

Yeah, I'm basically antisocial and don't like answering the door to strangers. It hardly ever happens where we live now, but it still happens. When we lived in suburbia it was more of a problem.

Don't these people (and so far, those few have ALL been from another state) believe the stereotypical hillbilly redneck shotgun stories? You'd think we wouldn't have ANY door to door type people out here in rural Appalachia. Oh, well.

Wendy said...

By the way- LOVED the idea of watering the obnoxious guy. You have a right to be free of obnoxiousness on your own property!

Colored With Memories said...

I'm with your 3rd commenter...I need a different door to be able to pull it off better!

Lisa@verybusymomwith4 said...

we do the same thing when strangers come to the door ;)

I hate when people ask you to sign junk (and if you agree with them they start asking for money too).

Ugh!

Becky said...

I definately do the same thing! Will not answer if I question at all who it is or what they are up to!!!
That guy had some nerve!!

screamofcontinuousness said...

Oh I SO wish I had thought of this.

Keeping it in mind for future doorbell ringers though.

thanks for stopping by my blog

Jessie said...

FUNNY!! You are a brave cookie!

Lora Lynn said...

Well done! Very spunky!

Michelle@Life with Three said...

That is too funny -- but I don't answer the door for the same reasons you mentioned. I've even been known to take the kids and hide in the kitchen pantry (the only area in our house that doesn't have a window) in hopes that door ringers will believe we're not home. It's shameless, I know! :)