What personality type are you?

I have a complete and utter fixation with personalities and personality tests. I love taking them, delving in and discovering why I act the way I do, and realizing what makes others tick. I love reading my profile description, and I get all excited thinking that, Hey, I do make sense! There are other people like me! And I will comment to Ricardo, "Listen to this! Doesn't this sound EXACTLY like me?"

To which he will turn his head from the TV towards me and absently nod his agreement.

I am an ISFJ, according to the Myers-Briggs typology. I am of a phlegmatic/melancholy temperament, according to some other tests. If you want to talk animals, I am a golden retriever/beaver. And love language? Most definitely Words of Affirmation, with a little Quality Time thrown in for good measure. Basically what all that means is I am a laid-back, non-confrontational, peace-loving girl.

So all of this is well and good. But this particular personality type, my type, tends to rely heavily on feelings. Which can be both an awesome strength or a horrible weakness. It's a strength in the fact that I can empathize deeply with people, and my heart goes out to them as I try to see where they're coming from so that I can help in whatever way I can.

But it's a weakness when it gets all focused back on me, and when those little feelings forget that who I am and what I do are two completely separate things. Get a great compliment one day? That will send my heart soaring. Hear somebody say something negative about me? My heart sinks, and I have to mentally talk myself out of the depths to which it has fallen. This cycle can get out of hand pretty quickly, if its not reined in and brought back to reality. Obviously some feelings are essential and good; but it's when I put too much stock of who I am into those feelings that things go awry.

I have had several jobs in the past where I was 100% convinced that my bosses hated me. I had just started, and as with any new position, it takes time to adjust. So being the overachiever and people-pleaser that I am, I would scramble to learn quickly and anticipate every need in an effort to show what an exemplary employee I was going to be. But I rely largely on feedback, and if I didn't get it, I would automatically assume that they were displeased with my performance, which in turn would actually make my performance suffer.

I distinctly remember the feeling of relief that would wash over me when I would finally receive positive feedback. Usually it came with high praise of the job I was doing.....which, up to that point, I had no clue how they felt. The problem with this scenario was, I was doing a great job all along. I knew it deep inside, but since it wasn't being validated, I started to mentally tear myself down. You're not doing it right, they're not happy with you, they think you're dense and unintelligent. And once I had these awful thoughts rolling through my brain, it didn't take long for me to start second-guessing myself in the work I was doing.

So, as I look back, I now realize this earth-shattering bit of information; I should have never let my self-esteem be dictated by whether or not I got a glowing report or a disapproving one. Or none at all. I am the same person regardless, and to let my feelings take me on a roller-coaster ride of, "They LIKE me!" or "Oh my word, they HATED it", only serves to throw me into an emotional tizzy. Sure, it's nice to hear those encouraging things; I love getting compliments, affirmation, support. Who doesn't, right?

But. I cannot live and die by them.

And for me, this is so much easier said than done. But, truly, I'm working on it.

So what about you? What is your personality type? I'd love to hear about yours....did I mention my fixation with this whole topic? Yes. I did. So, fire away!