I don't want to!
I do it!
Sound familiar? These are some of Savannah's most recent favorite phrases. Usually accompanied by a baby hissy fit and tears of hurt and anger.
But today as I looked at her, watching her resist and defy and struggle, I was struck with the thought that these words sound familiar for a completely different reason.
I have said them. Many, many times. Maybe not audibly, and maybe not even consciously, but the attitude of my heart has said them. Sometimes accompanied by tears of hurt and anger. And I'm sure that God looks down, much like I look at Savannah, and shakes His head. Wondering when I'm going to get it.
Don't you know it's for your own good? Don't you know the peace you will have when you surrender? Don't you know that I love you too much to let you go on like that?
And in His great love, He guides us. Disciplines us. Lets us make our own choices, and then gently steers us back to the right path.
There are things in my life....one thing in particular.....that I struggle greatly with. It is such a back-and-forth battle. I feel like I gain an inch and then fall back a mile. I wonder when God is just going to give up on me, let me go my own way, because I have fallen so many times. When will His mercy run out? When will He throw up His hands and say, "I've had enough?"
I know that His mercies are new every morning, and wow....what a comfort that is to me. He forgives the moment you ask, doesn't even remember it. I can't imagine anyone loving someone more than I love my Savannah, yet I know He loves me infinitely more than that. Yes, He is probably shaking His head when He sees me choose the wrong things again and again, but just as it doesn't change my overwhelming love for Savannah, it doesn't change His all-consuming love for me.
Thank you so much....
A boo (also known as I love you)....
Mama, hold you....
Also some favorite phrases of Savannah's. And ones that are much sweeter to my ears, words that absolutely melt me and make me wonder how I can contain all of the love for her that is bursting in my heart.
Words that I need to express to my Heavenly Father more often. Because I'm pretty sure when He hears them, it melts His heart too.
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Posted by Jackie at 10:08 PM